Oncologist dilemma- this time not stemming from me.

Received a letter in the mail today from Cancer Institute of FL :

'It is with bittersweet emotions and much soul-searching that I have decided to resign from the Cancer Institute of Florida as of October 2007. A career opportunity has come about that will not only allow me to impact medicine but will create time for me to become a more involved member of my family'

Signed: Rebecca Moroose ( the oncologist that I really liked )

So now I have to start all over in assessing(ehmm more like obsessing)/trying to find an oncologist that I am comfortable with ! I still have an appointment with her on Monday am hoping that she will be able to provide a direction.

Things happen for a reason but I felt so comfortable with her that I find it hard to believe that working with her was not the right action plan. A detour is in order.

On a side note MD. Anderson- Texas has a Case Management service where they provide second opinions consultations I received the paperwork for it. Will also check whether the cancer patients mecca ' Sloan - Kettering' has a similar service and will work with one of those centers along with a main oncologist locally. ( which at this point I am not sure who ! )

It has been exactly 1 week since I had my surgery although it feels like a lot more time has passed. I have done absolutely nothing other than watching 1st season of Lost and very little reading. I feel like a record played at 16 rpm which was supposed to be played at 78.. grrr... Someone stuck a bar between my spokes as I was merrily whizzing down the path of life bringing my life to a screeching halt as I catapaulted over my bike !

As of my surgery recovery, my good physical state is biting me back. Since I do not feel much physical fatigue I am having a hard time laying down and letting the surgery site heal. Today 2 of the drains ( there were 4 ) came out.. hopefully the others will be producing less stuff so I can get those out too on Monday. No fatigue means no sleep for me.. tried to even knock myself out with Ambien or Percosed.. nah ! my body just wants to move. Might go back on regular use of Paxil that seemed to have helped my sleep. Not being able to sleep facedown or side does not help either I never slept on my back before all this.

If I do not sleep my lense from which I am interpreting life darkens and I get gloomy, if I get gloomy I get agitated, which in turn prevents me from sleeping.. Have to stop this vicious cycle, sleep aids give me headaches and do not make me feel rested.

Once the stitches heal and I am ungrounded I am planning a beach trip and will take looongggg naps on the sand digging holes for my whoopy bobbies and placing them there ;o) laying facedown, I used to do this when I was pregnant with my girls digging hole for my big tummy.

The numbness that was from my armpits (putting on deodorant was very challenging since I was not feeling anything in that whole area similar to the novocaine given for tooth surgery) across my chest due to nerves being severed is slowly going away as I think the nerves are regenerating giving me funny sensations like twitches, tingling,fullness as if a milk letdown.. and some pain. Now I am really feeling the presence of the 2 X 150 ml cushions filled with saline on my chest ( expanders).. kind of a claustrauphobic feeling like wearing a very tight bra with some cotton stuffed in it. I am told that I will get used to the feeling.. we'll see.

um... we did stop at Target today on our way back from the doctors appointment. Pushing the shopping cart which was an action I used to be able to do with a single finger now is an action that limited the amount of shopping I could do. Bummer.. these severed chest muscles have to heal back fast. I am able to lift 1/2 gallon milk with no pain.. which is great !

I had to ask help from someone to grab an item from the top shelf cause I am not supposed to reach up. This is so weird 2 weeks ago I used to get funny looks at the free weight area of the gym cause I was lifting more than some of the guys.