Something has been puzzling me, lately a calmness came over me ( ok, I am on Paxil but the doc said that this was such a low dose that it will hardly be affective if it will at all ) and I was thinking to myself.. 'woman, how come you are so calm, you are more scared/intimidated when you are going into a long race !'
Then I found the answer.
Initially when I heard the news my reaction was similar to being in a dark big house alone, someone chasing to kill me. I was terrified, and running blind around in circles like crazy, bumping into furniture/walls, if I had continued like that I am sure I would have given myself more damage than the 'being' that was chasing me which I think was its initial plan which I busted.
Suddenly something happened ( and I sincerely think it is with everyones incredible support and educating myself on BC) and I decided to stop running and actually go back looking for what is chasing me to face it reversing the roles of hunter/prey and sitting down across from it saying ' Ok you got my attention now what do you want , are you aware who you are messing around with ?'
So now we are looking eye to eye trying to figure out what to do with each other. I am sure there is a message that it is trying to give me cause nothing happens without a reason. I am playing on the surprise factor of not being scared of it anymore since I see it as a part of myself -gone down a different path(not wrong, just different path) --due to a choice that I made somewhere along my life.
This was the only way that it was able to slow me down get my attention to sit down,listen and think, and that I shall do.
Oh boy, this is too heavy for a Monday morning lol !
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