Saturday,Sunday, Monday at the office

Well I talked too soon,Saturday/Sunday Taxol hit me like a mac truck urghhh.. The most severe side effect I get is GI problems which is not what everyone gets and the doctor was kind of puzzled that I reported it.(ok I will admit that I realized that the more sugary stuff I eat the more GI Problems I get but that does not seem to stop me from hitting the pantry-cereal box) I do get slight tingling in fingertips and I am losing 2 toenails(I think my running shoes are not fitting me well after gaining weight my feet spread out) but those are no biggies, I would not probably have realized them as side effects if I had not read about them. I am managing the insomnia with 2 Ambiens/night I have come to peace with taking some sleep aids temporarily one week after each chemo, cause there is no way my bodies own melatonin production can fight with the poisons they are pumping in to me. Outside help is needed. Fight is not fair.
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Saturday night watched 'Emperors club' with Kevin Kline which was really good movie, delivering a message of 'no matter how much you can try you cannot change people'
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By now I learned to listen to my body and I can tell when the chemo is relatively washed out after each treatment. I see that with each subsequent treatment it takes longer to wash it out. When it is still in my system my upper right arm(where the lymph node removal impacted), my port incision,my expander stitches and also my scalp hurts(nonexistent pony tail in too much feel)
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As I was laying in bed, with my nice frilly nightcap(my head gets cold, still not used to the bald feel) borrowed Ferit's reading glasses I started laughing cause I thought we were a scene from the Little Red Riding Hood. Me - the grandmother with the cap and glasses in bed, Ferit the wolf - he came in to kiss me. Sibel - Little Red Riding Hood - was going to give her bf some christmas cookies.
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Sunday went to Crackel Barrel for breakfast, the pecan pancakes that I really like did not taste good, either my taste buds are not normal or it was a lousy batch. Then checked out Ikea(do they have a requirement to have a minimum number of crying babies present at any given moment???) and checked out Marshalls. Resting when I feel down from chemo does not seem to make a difference in the time of recovery(of course I will not go and run or bike but resuming daily normal activities seem to help) the feeling was similar to the way I felt at the last hours of my Ironman events, going on autopilot not really thinking about moving but just moving forward.
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We were going to head to the movies but felt wiped out so rented a pay perview movie 'Mr. Brooks' while several friends of Elif invaded the house and had their own little party going on. I like the house being crowded.
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Got a blood blister under my middle right toenail, will need to reasses workouts having impact. The muscles are feeling tired so I have given a break to weight workouts.
Was going to go swimming(have not been in the pool for 4 months now) but since my white blood cell counts were low thought I would better hold off until I get my Neulesta shot.
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Monday felt a bit better and went to the office for the first time. Pulling into the parking lot after 4 months felt really weird, there were a couple of people at the office, since it was New Years Eve everyone who was working (or pretending to be working) was working from home. When I got in the elevator I had to think which floor I was on luckily I did remember the logon passwords for my computers. The wig really bothered me, do not know how I am going to work with it all day on Wednesday, I am considering wearing a scarf seriously. Had difficulty focusing at work, hopefully will get better.
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Went to lunch with a friend who has been diagnosed with bc recently and tried to share some of my experiences with her those first days are really the toughest, as I told her ' until you cross the line' once you accept what you are dealing with everything else gets easier, similar to anything in life, I know it is easier said than done.
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Later got my Neulesta shot I really did not want to get it on New Years eve because I feel like running a fever after I get it, but since my Taxol had finished at midnight they could not give it to me on Friday and the oncologist office was closed for the weekends.
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Took the advantage of resting got far into reading 'Middlesex', a great book about several generations of Greek immigrants a definite page turner.
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