Someone from work will be getting bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction this Thursday I got her the Fuel Belt to use with the drains (since she will also have 4 and that was a life saver for me for the first 2 weeks) I also rekindled my project of sewing something similar and donating it to cancer centers for bilateral mastectormy/reconstr. patients. Have to find someone who is handy with the sewing machine, or might wait for my mom who will be coming next month. If one takes out the flasks and adds 2 flask holders it makes life a lot easier compared to walking around with 4 dangling drains pinned to ones clothing.
In the afternoon went to the Breast Cancer Support group meeting at the Florida Hospital there were 3 facilitators and 3 bc patients so we certainly got one on one attention, wonder why other bc patients did not come. This meeting is open to public not only for the patients of FL hospital. The topic was Journaling and how it helped people in times of crisis(I guess I could totally relate to that .. see blog ! ) the benefits stated were:
Journaling: Write Brain activity
1) Slows down racing thoughts, you can't write as fast as you can think
2) Provides a history lesson: Shows how your life unfolds
3) Presents reality as documented history : Specific time and date
4) Identifies patterns and trends: day of week, time of day, angry, sad
5) Specific and measurable progess or regression
6) Practice being vulnerable- a safe place, helops build trust within yourself able to be painfully honest
7) Mentally an physically healthy: right and left brain activity
8) Practice area : writing, saying, exploring
9) Portable - take with you, do anywhere
10) Focus and clarity- thoughts become visible words sound differently on paper , development of contemplation.
I was extremely pleased that a tool for dealing with stress was covered, however the other participants expectations were more of an informal support group, probably something like a group therapy session with the counselors. Luckily I have my own bc support group similar to that in my neighborhood. Next months topic is Music should be quite interesting. I had read in the Cure magazine that there were some art therapy sessions although I suck at drawing (as seen that my drawings with my eyes closed were as good as the ones that I made with my eyes open) I loved the idea of just doodling with lots of color. I was told that FL Hospital had that service for inpatients hopefully they might consider it for one of the montly support groups. The main facilitator is the girl which I had done a session of counseling with, she is really well intentioned but she is way too uptight to deal with the bc gals! The guest counselor was much more warm/caring.
That night I was extremely wiped out could not even walk straight looked like a drunk ! I am not sure what drained my energy I think all the decision making process is getting to me. I had to make a decision by Wednesday pre-op visit to my plastic surgeon.
Went to bed at 7:30 after a little binge episode. Had a restless night but was able to stay in bed(not hitting the fridge was a huge accomplisment ) until 7:30 Wednesday morning The chill pillow is working for hot flashes for sure. I do not recall the last time I was in bed for 12 hours not even after my surgery/chemo, hmm wonder whether sleep was an excuse/escape to delay making the surgery decision ?
Did a short jog/walk with Candy and went to the office. My decision had solidified, I am not getting the axillary node dissection as I do not believe that is part of my treatment and only will hinder my life quality.
We went out to our weekly lunch with my local team (it is only 3 of us including our manager)and learned that one of the remote team members had resigned. The team had already been operating on fumes.. and this was certain to make things go out of control. I knew what was coming next so chose to take the first step since I knew it was coming my way anyways and stated that with the help from the group I would take over her issues.(better take credit for volunteering) This might help me focus as it has been one month since I started work but I certainly have not been a poster child for dedicated focused employee ! Maybe for ADD ( except medical research)
That afternoon went to the Plastic Surgeons Dr.P office and his nurse G approached me with a paperwork and when she saw my puzzled face she went 'NOW WHAT ?' When I told her that I was only getting the implant exchange and not the axillary node dissection she first was mad at me for changing my mind all the time however when I explained a little bit about the dilemma I was in she goes ' I am really confused and I do not know how you are dealing with this ' yeah.. well tell me about it.
I was jotting down a couple of statements to explain Dr. P why I was switching decisions but he was perfectly fine with it, and actually seemed to avoid the subject. He took pictures of the expanders and said that he might not be able to fix the buckling of the left side, I said I really did not care and was not that anal about the boobs anyways did not start with picture perfect ones anyways, and now that is the least of my concerns.
He also explained that if I was going to get radiation he would not be able to graft the nipples since operating on radiated skin causes lots of problems. oh well I guess I will go the tattoo route if I have to.
After that went to pick up a bike from someone that I knew from the Masters Swimming team(he had just came back from Kite surfing ??? that sounded soo cool) for my brotherinlaw who was looking for an entry level road bike. It is a cool Red/Yellow Cannondale CAAD3 Saeco I am guessing it is about 8+ years old but could not find anything re: manufacture date on the bottom bracket. Not sure whether it will fit him or whether he'll like it, if not Ferit might keep it. Nowadays I seem to be into 'finding homes for lonely road bikes', kind of like a 'road bike rescue'
Did a short weight lifting circuit at the gym, prepared dinner and went with a couple of friends to Timpano to have a drink. Even though I had a single glass of wine this affected my sleep quality. But at least I did not wake every hour thinking about another search keyword that I might have missed to google on ' sentinel node biopsy auxillary post mastectomy radiation '
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