See it is really hard to 'not' think about cancer all the time especially in my case since my treatment plan is still not finalized and pretty much left to me. What happened was I read so much to the point that I spiralled out of control in my 'quest' and burnt myself out going into kind of a denial phase which made me go down since I felt that I did not have any control over all the crap that was happening. So no more medical reading for me (at least for now)Going cold turkey on the anti-depressant Paxil that I was on did not help either ( yes I did know that one is supposed to wean off not stop suddenly but thats me, I was done with it the stuff made me a mellow person which I did not like so I just had to get rid of it to get 'me' back ) Compliance never agreed with me.
With my 45th birthday which was on the 18th my perspective has changed. There is also a saying that I really liked from the last book I read ' Eat Love and Pray' that agrees with my mentality. I could not find it to quote right now but basically it said never let go of yourself always go up.
I will basically kick ass my own way.I was previously trying to follow other peoples footsteps during my recovery phase trying to sit at home relax, read book and all that 'sounding relaxing' stuff that cancer patients are supposed to be doing. Well that just plain drove me nuts I had to get out of the house or keep busy. So I guess everyone has their own way that they are comfortable dealing with life changes.
Either there is some negative energy in the house or there is something wrong with my mind because I just can not sit at home.(when I said I want to totally redo our bedroom cause the 'feel' is not right Ferit with his usual down to earth attitude said 'Honey I will not let you translate your mental problems into $$ since that is not going to solve them' . It was a good try on my part though)
I am in search of a personal trainer who would be willing to work with a chemo bitch(which I can be) since I have gained some weight which is making me feel bad about myself. The hard part of my treatment is over and the next one is starting on the 29th of November I am ready to get back there. To test did 27 miles of the Horrible Hundred ride which is my birthday tradition since 2002 and although the heart rate was about 10 bpm higher than usual I was ok. ( since I wrote this I started working out with my old trainer.. it is challenging but he is managing to give me stuff to do that makes me sore in a good way taking into account my surgery / chemo)
Decided to start back to work in 2008. My chemo will still not be over but will only have a single treatment left. Then there is a high probability that I will be getting more surgery to remove additional lymph nodes, I will be meeting my surgeon and 2 others for secondary opinions on this.
What I learned from talking to other survivors with removed lymph nodes is that if one is careful to build the strength back up lymphedema is not a problem although there does not seem to be much research on this subject. Dana Farber Institute from Boston had a research on analyzing lymphedema in rowers which I believe showed that the rowers did not get lymphedema. I was thrilled to hear about this and have called the contact provided in the research article to get the complete research article published on this. So as of now I will not be working my upper body with heavy weights for at least 5-6 months after surgery, then will start back up very slowly. Swimming is said to be really good for me so I think I will start hitting the pool pretty soon although I really do not like the LAfitness pool, it is like bathtub too warm, however there are too many kids practicing in the Y pool and I am not positive on how hygienic it is ! Maybe if I go in the mornings it might be cleaner than evenings.
Emailed my Breast Cancer support group stating that I would be happy to share training plans/tips for any gals who might be thinking about tackling the Danskin tri in may. So far only 1 seemed to be interested.
Contacted the aerobics coordinator stating that I could start subbing some of the Tuesday morning 5:45 am classes if she wanted me to.
As of remaining physical symptoms with the expanders I feel like having 2 turtle shells on my chest and there is no way I can lay facedown they still have not blown them up to where they want them to be. There is a constant tight-bra feeling but I got used to it and it does not bother me anymore. Arm/upper body strength and range of motion is almost back to where it was.
One other important thing, I think it was 2 weeks ago I got the weird feeling that the last trace of cancer had left my body at that specific second. I said ' I'll take that ;o)
Life is good !
Couple of pictures from the time gap.. I have 6 wigs now !
Hay ride at the christmas tree place and various other events.
